Fear of Failure

I guess it's a monthly thing now. But a thought came to my head that I wanted to write down. I have been thinking in my life that I have been running to find something that I am really passionate about, enough to drop everything and go do. As a Christian, I've always thought that Christ or doing something for Christ was what mattered, or what satisfied. But I'm starting to think about whether or not it's really true.

How much better is it to get caught up in the cycle of spiritual highs and spiritual lows than to get caught up in the highs and lows of secular pleasures? Christianity gives me a sense of belonging, a sense that everything is going to be taken care of by God in my life. But I can get that through groups and organizations like the Salvation Army or GreenPeace, so what is the difference? Am i missing the point of Christianity? Is the point of Christianity to get into heaven? or is it so I will not go to hell? I have a tendency to think it is the latter, as that is how my life has been defined. I am usually motivated by a fear of failure/punishment than the rewards of success/heaven. But that shouldn't be with christianity, right? Shouldn't I be motivated by Christ's Love and wanting to be with Him? In some cases yes, but for the most part, I don't want to go to hell and that is my motivation.

Maybe I'm missing the point in Christianity and I haven't truly been finding satisfaction in Christ alone. A lofty ideal for sure, because I find that I always tend to rely upon my abilities, job, money, friends, family for satisfaction, even though I don't care to admit it.

I guess it could be that my ideal of 'being passionate' is that I'm really excited about whatever I'm passionate about, all the time and that is an unrealistic expectation of 'being passionate'.