It's been a while

well, I lasted almost a year. Pretty good in my book.

Today I didn't have family dinner. I've been having family dinner for so long, that when we don't have it, I don't know what to do. I could have gone swing dancing, but I fell asleep for 3 hours and woke up at 7:40pm, 40 min late for the swing dancing. So I ended up at home, watching recorded shows on TV, and thinking how lame i was.

3/4 of a bottle of wine later, I'm buzzed and wondering if this is how alcoholism starts...

Am I purposefully pushing everyone away that I could ever have a possibility with? I even was thinking about Kara Niemotka, and how I didn't want to date her at the time, but now it would be awesome. Many chances missed, and unlike hollywood story tales, this one probably will not end happily, in the fashion that we all think.

It makes me wonder sometimes what has been happening and what precipitated this condition. Was it the refusal to date Sue? Or was it something else? I could conjecture some more, but I probably will not come to any conclusion now, or ever. better to look forward and see what is in front of me now.