Malaise

I've decided after a year to try this again. I've never been good at doing this consistently, but in my life this past year, there hasn't been any big events, or great catalysts to explain where I have gotten to now.

thought for the day.

I was listening to WMBI (90.1) on the way to work today, and the pastor said that if we were to read the bible only when we felt like it, that we would not read dthe bible all that much. he talked aobut this guy cooliadge that was a brilliant man, but would never discipline himself to sit down a write the poetry that was going on in his head, and that what he lacked was discipline.

while in it of itself is not earth shattering, but it was a reflection of my current malaise that I am in the midst of in a very meaningful way. You see, I have come to reaslize that I am not disciplined. I always thought of myself as dicisplined, but even this act (writing a blog in the middle of a day as a break from work) seems to me a lack of discipline. I think and dream about many big plans (real estate, fixing the house, etc, etc) but I dont' do anything, because I find the happiness found in dreaming up these things rather than in implementing them. Then when implementation comes around, it never quite lives up to the billing that I had in store in my mind, which leads to disappointment.

The obvious thing to do is to discipline myself. But how do I do that? If I have a external force that is disciplining me, then when you take that force away, I'll lapse back to my lazy self again. but without an external force, how will i become disciplined?

Like the nike ad, it's the thought "just do it". In my mind, I have to conjure up anger in order to motivate myself (sad, but true), so in my mind I promise myself that I will "just freaking do it" (emphasis added mine)

One of the things that I will do? blog daily. :)


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