Missions

Christian Barbosa spoke at YAM last night, and let me tell you, it was INCREDIBLE. It was the first message in over a year that brought me to tears with the conviction that he spoke and of the amazing things that God was doing over there in Romania. I couldn't help but think that this was one big commercial for going on the upcoming romania trip that YAM is going on, but I didn't care, because it's God's work that needs to be done out there.

I had been waffling between going and not going, simply because of some life situations that have been happening in my life, but I'm nearly convinced to at least get my application in to see if this is where God wants me to go.

Missions. Kendra asked me what kind of things get me fired up, what kind of issues get my hairs standing on my end, and missions was the first thing that popped into my mind. That and biblical community. I have this love hate thing with missions. I grew up in a church where missionaries were held up at the highest regard, because they are dedicating their lives to the Lord's work unequivocally without any doubt. Yet what holds me back from doing missions work are the same thoughts that everyone else has..."I've worked so hard to get where I am at now, I can't give that up!" "I don't know if I really am called to do it, and I Don't know if I am going to be good at it." "I need to get my life in order before I go" I wish I could say that I have answered each of these concerns in my heart in the "right" way, but I can't. I do hold onto all the things that I have earned (although God is breaking me of that in this season), I don't think I am at a place where I can lead spiritually, and I don't think my life is in order.

But Christian said something about evangelism that really struck a chord in me. He said, "Evangelism is about trusting God. Do you trust Him? For it is the power of God that brings people to Him. God is Lord of the harvest." So it always comes down to the fundamental question. Do I trust the Lord? yes, in some things. But in many other areas of my life, I do not. And I need to take that step of faith and walk across that bridge but my sinful nature cannot let go of the safety railing to do it.

So I'm going to try this, because I think this will keep me accountable to whomever is reading this. (at least that is the theory) I'm going to write in here my daily readings in the Word and a small reflection on it. Don't expect too much, cause hey, I'm not C. S. Lewis with amazing thoughts coming out every day... But it's more for me to keep with this...you can yell at me if you don't see the reading for a while, cause that means I'm not reading.

2 Corinthians 6:9-10

"As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."

What grief have I been going through lately? am I grieved because the bears loss and that grief produces death? and by death what does that mean? Or am I grieved because I didn't obey the Word of the Lord? What scares me is I don't know when was the last time that I truly had godly grief. Was it apathy? I want to pray for godly grief because that means that I care and that I'm not lukewarm...