Perfection kills

Ok, I know that I already blogged, but here is something that I was thinking about...

perfection kills.

I'll explain this. The idea of perfection, that elusive quality that I am looking for in all things that I do is never attainable. No matter what I plan, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much talent I have, everything that I have done, I can't look back and say, "yeah, that was pretty awesome, and it was good." So my life is doomed to be filled with disappointments and frustrations.

God creates the world in 6 days and he saw that it was good.

I bring events to fruition and I can't remember one time this year where I can say that it was good.

Granted, God is God, by definition all that He creates is good, but likewise I think because I am sinful in my nature that all the things that I do seem to not be good. I'm surrounded by my perceived failed ventures as they mock me and my inadequacies. Many people would tell me that I put the bar too high and that I have to accept that things are not going to be perfect, but for some reason I just can't do that. because once I give up on the idea of perfection, then what do I aspire for? What do I push myself to do? a mediocre job for a mediocre outcome? where does it end?

It's a sad sad life I live, and I find myself going from semi-satisfied with my life, to utter depression that I can't do anything well, to a brief moment where I can say, 'yeah that was cool'. When was the last time I had that moment? It's been so long, I can't remember. Maybe the last time I had a big party at my house? I know after the event, I was able to sit down and say, "yeah, that was a great party, and I'm proud of that"

That was 2004, 3 years ago.

I think I have 2 choices, go insane with these unrealistic expectations, or learn how I can deal with these unrealistic expectations by changing them and learning how to approach things in a more reasonable manner. As far as how to do that, I dunno. if I start writing gibberish after a while, you'll know that I did the former.