Thinking too much about retirement

I think way too much about retirement. How much money I need, what kind of lifestyle I want to have when I get older, etc, etc.

But what I find is that I'm so focused on the future, I'm not happy in the present. Everything is about scrimping and saving and I mentally cringe every time I pay for something. I think, what can I do to save some money. Soon this pervades every aspect of my life like a heavy yoke on my back. I will do this for a while and suddenly start thinking, "is this really worth it? Saving a dollar here and there?". Typically at this time I end up going on a spending spree (nice restaurant, new gizmos, things for the home).

My spending spree this time around?

dinner at the bin 36 restaurant: $75
Planetronics headset: $60
Snowblower: $350
Tire Chains for Snowblower: $65

Total damage: $550

Now of course, some of those things are not necessarily superfluous, like the snowblower. we have been getting tons of snow and I have thrown out my back while doing it so I needed something to get the snow off my driveway before it turned to ice. This is not even totalling the amount of money I am spending eating out because I don't have ime to get the ingredients to make lunch. I could have made sandwiches, but seriously, after 3 weeks of sandwiches myself, I long for something besides hummus, ham and wheat bread. disgusting I know. think 3 weeks of it...2-3 sandwiches a day. And at the end of the day? I feel cheated. I feel sad because I am still hungry and I think, "I make a good living. I think I'm doing fairly well. So why am I sitting here wondering what else to eat and not feeling like I am living life. What am I saving for?"

This is where the spending spree comes in. While spending money does not equals "living life", at times I think I go overboard on not going out because it will cost money, that I need to stay at home and do nothing or watch TV because going out will cost money. I have been feeling acutely isolated, partly because of my attitude and partly because of the school work keeping me away.

so now that I'm done with papers, I can now have a social life again! :) woot!