Somehow I realized that I have this aversion to many things...for example...I want to re-do my bathroom, and to do this requires a plumber to fix a couple of problems, as well as re-tiling the bathroom. But I don't want to call these people. Why? Cause I would look stupid asking someone to do things that I don't necessarily want to do...Plus I think of these guys are really high powered guys and why would they want to come over to do a couple hundred dollar job? So naturally I don't call them because of all these fears. Delaying and delaying, then feeling stupid about delaying, but scared of even looking more stupid talking to the guy since I don't know what to do. Ugh.
Invariably the pattern arises like this:
- I decided I want to do something, typically something that I haven't done before
- try to do research in knowing how to do it the 'right' way
- once I know that, just start calling
- But before I call, I have to sit down and write down what I want so I don't sound like I don't know anything (which is the truth anyway) because I don't want to get ripped off.
- Procrastinate
- Procrastinate again
- Finally the stress of wanting to do this overcomes the fear of looking stupid and I make the call
- turns out to be nothing, and the guys are really nice.
- Then it gets done and I can do it without too much trouble.
So I want to get rid of steps 5-6, because these are the ones that cause me the most stress, and the ones that take me the longest. I've started to adopt the "just do it" and not worry about it, but I'm so scared that I haven't put in the time to make sure I have covered all the bases, and more importantly in my mind, that I would look stupid to those who I probably will not talk to...why is that? Why am I so concerned about what other people with whom I don't even have a relationship with, think? And what kind of sentence was that? ugh. My english teacher is rolling in her grave. except she's not dead, so that illustration doesn't work.
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