Earthly Love vs. Heavenly Love. They talk about agape love and the different types of love, but it's always hard to put love into different categories, simply because if you put them into categories you are putting limits on love, and no one wants to do that.
Irregardless, I am going to limit love. Why? Because of a certain girl, I am nearly willing to throw away the ministry the God has entrusted to me, simply for the mere possibility that I could have a relationship with someone else. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, being in a relationship, or being in love seems so much more important that being in love with God, and the words, "my grace is sufficient for you" doesn't resonate with me. I wish that relationships were a little less murky than they are. I've been going to YAM for 6 years and in those 6 years I have made a lot of bad decisions, and possibly by mere happenstance, I have made some good ones as well. Everyone tells me that I'm a great guy, that I am quality, blah, blah, blah. But i really don't believe it. No one really knows the real me and if they did, then they would realize how shallow I really am. Besides, if I'm this great guy, then why is it that I can't find a girl that I like that likes me back? (ok, I know you're going to mention sue, so I will refer you to the "lot of bad decisions" phrase previously written). I am so tired of sitting on the sidelines just waiting for the Lord to bring someone to the table that I would find amazing and enthralled in, that we would have so many things in common. So now I"m going out there and asking people out, but I am scared that this is going to make me out to be a "player". Sometimes I really detest being in leadership, because there is a higher standard that I need to uphold. This is what I mean by wanting to have a relationship more than wanting to help YAM ministry and see it grow.
On another note, the first day of vacation was great! Albeit a expensive one. I ended up picking up various home furnishings that I should have gotten a long time ago, a fax machine that I've also needed for a long time, and various other little things that I've never had the time to pick up that help keep things under control. It was a blessing as I wasn't underneath a time schedule, and that I had the whole day to get everything done without any worries about what is going to happen at work, what is going to be coming down the pipeline for YAM, or any of those other things...It was so relaxing. I'm supposed to be meeting with albert on wednesday to shadow him, and while I want to do this, I also want some more time to relax. I didn't realize how much I needed this vacation, which is to not go on this incredible trip, or go nuts on some safari adventure. Just don't do anything, get things in order around the house. It's the first time I've done this and wanted to. Last time was when I was between jobs and waiting for the next job to start. What did I do then? Play Diablo 12 hours a day for a week to finish it. Really stupid, I know. But that was 10 years ago... :)
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