fooling myself

I think I have been fooling myself this whole time. What do I mean? I had this dream that I would be buying up real estate (like everyone else) and using those pieces of real estate to finance me in ministry, so I didn't have to be a burden to the church. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that the reason I wanted to do it was (like everyone else) to make money and be financially independent.

You see, I have it all backwards. I don't want to be burden, because I know churches are strapped for cash, and for me to join a church staff would mean that it would be additional financing that would be needed. But if the Lord wants me there, then He will provide the means through His Body, the congregation at that church or other donors. So what I in effect was saying to the Lord was that I wanted to do ministry, but also do it on my own terms so that I am comfortable in case this whole ministry doesn't work out. That my friends, is the kind of faith I have right now.

So what does this mean? It means that I am not going to hide behind some spiritualized reason for buying rental properties, because I feel that the rental properties is the best investment right now. But I am also not going to be doing it full force, because until it is made clear to me a ministry opportunity that God wants me to go to, I want to be wise with the investments and resources that God has given me.

So yes, I'm still trying to be a real estate mogul. But not trying to be a real estate mogul with the idea that "all this is for God's ministry work". It is in some ways because I am being a good financial steward, but it is not what I am banking on IN ORDER to do ministry. Not being financially independent should not stop me from going into ministry, and right now, that is what I have set as a requirement before going into ministry.