"well done my good and faithful servant"

Those are the words that I want to hear. I'm not going to hear it till I die, but it's what I long for. In that respect, living the perfect christian life here on earth is hopeless. We'll never be perfect, no matter how hard we try. It is through God's grace that we can even talk to Him. But at the same time, knowing that I am going to sin again puts a hopelessness that I am going to be coming before the Lord again and saying, "I'm sorry, I repent, etc, etc..." Yet it's hard to really repent unless the Lord convicts. And as the Lord convicts over and over, you lose heart that you'll be able to mature and move on.

So how do you go through life knowing that you will never measure up, yet know you are accepted through grace. More importantly, if you are able to grasp that you are accepted through grace, how do you keep on striving to "be holy as I am holy", the standard that God has called us to?

Troubling questions for me, but it gives me some insights into why I think about suicide. I'm tired of striving knowing I will not accomplish the goal. Maybe the goal isn't perfection. If it isn't, what is it? Jesus was perfect. We are striving to be like Jesus. I want to be at the goal and just be with my savior for eternity. In a lot of ways, I'm jealous of those who have already gone up to heaven, but another part of me likes this life too much to put myself in danger...maybe it's that self-preservationist side.